The Bus Driver's Sanity Goes Round And Round...
by Mitsue aka Marina
Summary: Imagine the Suzaku and Seiryuu seishi and mikos as nine-year olds. Imagine them on their school bus, going on a field trip. This is what the bus driver is thinking.


Title: The Bus Driver's Sanity Goes Round and Round  
Author: Mitsue  
Status: 1/1  
Rating: G  
Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi is the property of Yuu Watase and Flower Comics.   
Summary: Imagine the Suzaku and Seiryuu seishi as nine year-olds. Imagine them taking a field trip with their teacher. Imagine the bus driver telling what it's like to drive that bus.  
  
*********  
  
Field trip: The joy of every student. It means a break from school, a fun day tormenting their chaperones and each other. A field trip is also the bane of every bus driver. But, it is MUCH worse for me. None of the other bus drivers have to go through what I go through every stinkin' weekday. What do I have to do? I have to chauffeur the Suzaku and Seiryuu School for Seishi students around. This class should be every bus driver's nightmare.  
  
I blame Suzaku and Seiryuu for this. They're the school principals, the ones who pushed me into the job, pushed these annoying brats onto me. One day I'm gonna pay them back. I'll put them in my place for one day and see how THEY like driving these insane nine year-olds back and forth, back and forth.  
  
And now it's field trip day. I'm going to be stuck in this bus for FOUR HOURS. Thirty minutes each day is nerve-wracking enough, but four hours? That should be a violation of the Bus Drivers' Union rules. Oh wait, I forgot. There is no Bus Drivers' Union. That really bites.  
  
As I look into my big rearview mirror, I can see the students making a big ruckus.   
  
For example, there is this one student named Nakago. He is a real annoyance. He spends most of his time shooting tiny chi-balls through a pea-shooter. Sometimes he'll aim at the Suzaku boys. Other times he'll aim at me. When Nakago isn't playing with his chi-balls, he's bullying everyone, especially Ashitare, who seems to be an underling.  
  
Ashitare! He is a very odd boy, for he acts like a dog. His most annoying habit is sticking his head out the window and barking at the passing vehicles. At least he's not chasing them. Though I'm not saying he hasn't tried.  
  
Then there's Soi. Soi and Nakago are in a relationship. She flirts with him and he ignores her. It seems to be working out. When Soi is not with Nakago, she spends her time shooting lightning bolts at the people who annoy her. Most of these electric bolts seem to hit her arch-enemy, Tomo.  
  
Tomo is a weird child. That is all I am saying. Tomo likes to play with clam shells. I do not know why, he just does. Like I said, Tomo is a weird child.  
  
Next up are the twins, Amiboshi and Suboshi. Amiboshi claims he is a musician and constantly plays his flute. That dratted flute is the cause of the constant ringing in my ears. Suboshi has this spiky yo-yo that he plays with all the time. Besides harassing the other kids with his yo-yo of death, he has also broken many of the windows on the bus and slashed what I thought was yo-yo proof bus sides. That stupid toy of his is costing me thousands of ryuu in bus repair every week. In fact, I know the bus mechanic so well, he's on my Christmas list. But that's another story.  
  
Suboshi is also in love with Yui, who is the queen of the Seiryuu gang. She spends most of her time looking out the window, telling Suboshi to get away from her, talking with her friend Miaka, and beating up Suboshi when he doesn't listen to her warnings.   
  
One of the most interesting cases on my bus is Miboshi, the three-eyed freak. He loves to torment the Suzaku boys, especially Chiriko.  
  
Chiriko is the smartest kid on the bus. He reads encyclopedias as big as tires in fifteen minutes. Unfortunately, he gets carsick every five minutes. I have said enough. Chiriko is the shortest of the group, just as Mitsukake is the tallest.  
  
Besides being the tallest, Mitsukake is also the quietest. He seems to have an urge to heal. Every time a kid on the bus gets hurt, maimed, scratched, bit, and/or fried, he pulls out this first aid kit he's got hidden in his backpack and he heals them. I think that if he doesn't become a doctor, he should consider a career in basketball. Mitsukake spends a lot of time playing with his cat, Tama Neko.   
  
Tama Neko is an interesting creature. He likes to dress up as someone on the bus and run around carrying a sign written in Kanji. I think that cat is a few tacos short of a combo plate. But cat-wise, Tama Neko is a normal cat. Tama Neko is often seen with Chichiri.  
  
Chichiri is not too bad. He's that kid with the kasa and the 'no da' speech impediment. Chichiri's favorite game is 'Peek-A-Boo'. He'll hop into his kasa, and then he'll suddenly appear in front of some unsuspecting person and scare the baheebees out of the poor person. I permit this, as long as he doesn't do this to me. But sometimes he does. Okay, imagine this. You're driving along one minute on a very curvy road, and then suddenly this blue-haired kid appears in front of you and yells " NO DA!" Stop laughing, it is not funny.   
  
Then there's this kid Nuriko, who is the strongest of these kids. He helps Suboshi with the destroying of my beautiful bus. How? I'll tell you how. Whenever he gets angry with a guy, he'll throw that person up towards the ceiling. Depending on the amount of force Nuriko uses in his toss, it could result in one of three ways.   
  
(1). The tossee's head goes through the ceiling, with the tossee's head visible on top of the bus while the rest of his body is dangling inside.   
  
(2). The tossee leaves a large dent in my ceiling and then falls back to the floor and leaves a large dent there.   
  
(3). If Nuriko uses all of his strength, the tossee will fly through the ceiling. If this happens, we have to stop the bus and scrape the tossee off the road.   
  
It's time to go on to other things.   
  
I don't care if Hotohori's the heir to the throne, he is a brat. He always   
insists on having his way and he takes every mirror in the bus so that he can look at himself. I am always very alert just in case he decides to take my precious rearview mirror. If he's royalty, then why doesn't he have his own personal chauffeur?  
  
Tamahome and Miaka. Oi. They sicken me. All they do is stare at each other and say each other's name. For example  
  
" Tamahome."  
  
" Miaka."  
  
" Tamahome."  
  
" Miaka."  
  
Sooner or later the redundancy gets to you. Miaka's only other hobby is eating. Tamahome's only other hobby is fighting with Tasuki.  
  
Tasuki is a natural firecracker. A bus ride isn't a bus ride without Tasuki burning Tamahome to a crisp with his tessen. This starts up a fight, a kind of fight that inspires the rest of the students to drop what they are doing and watch Tamahome and Tasuki brawl. Usually during a fight like this, this audience of students will take up the habit of chanting " Jerry! Jerry!"  
  
Then their teacher Taiitsukun will break up the fight. I get at least five seconds of silence, after the many screams of " SUNAKE BABAA!"   
  
Taiitsukun is ten years older than Methuselah and is not the picture of prettiness. I'm surprised that her teaching assistants, the Nyan-Nyans, don't scream 'SUNAKE BABAA!' every time they see her.  
  
All in all, that is the group I have to deal with everyday. If anyone would like to send me presents of consolation, please send aspirin. I REALLY need it. (I also accept cash, checks, and all major credit cards.)  
  
So this is Byakko the bus driver signing off.  
  
GRRR! The noise level has just increased. I see that Nakago and Hotohori are duking it out.   
  
This time, I'm going to say something.   
  
" Oh look, it's a cliff. I wonder what would happen if I DROVE OFF IT?!"  
  
Silence. In my rearview mirror I see that everyone is staring at me. Miaka seems to be on the verge of tears. Luckily, Tamahome has clapped one of his hands over her mouth.  
  
Hehe, I love power.  
  
*********  
  
~Mitsue snaps her fingers~   
  
FIN 


End file.
